well, it's been fun. over 9 years! but it's definitely over now. ciao!

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on having things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger.

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• Warm and affirming by nature


• Dedicated to achieving the ultimate relationship


• Sensitive and concerned for others' feelings


• Usually have good communication skills, especially written


• Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships


• Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)


• Good listeners


• Are able to move on after a relationship has ended (once they're sure it's over)

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• Tendency to hold back part of themselves


• Not good with money or practical day-to-day life necessities


• Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism


• Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)


• Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship

"everywhere you're not, you still are."

don't think anything can top that.

my grandpa passed away last night. about 15 years ago he had a triple bypass and recently got cancer. he was 85 so we knew this was the end of the road. i feel so grateful that i really spent a lot of time with him through the years, since i worked for my dad's company and he was there every day greeting me with a "morning sunshine!" always ready with a story (that we all heard a dozen times) about his youth. he had his faults but he worked so hard over the years and really made something big and lasting. this past weekend, my father and i made menudo for him. at the end, it was the only food he could really get down. i don't think he enjoyed it as much as he let on, but i feel so blessed that he could teach me how to make his favorite dish. i'm a little surprised that he died so soon; he was up walking and talking this weekend, albeit in tons of pain. i am just so glad i was there and was able to hug him and talk to him. i am relieved. i will miss him so much. RIP papa babe.

"too much time gone by and i can't find you if i tried."

it feels nice just to have that little feeling.

history repeats the old conceits
the glib replies, the same defeats
keep your finger on important issues
with crocodile tears and a pocketful of tissues

i'm just the oily slick
on the windup world of the nervous tick
in a very fashionable hovel

i hang around dying to be tortured
you'll never be alone in the bone orchard
this battle with the bottle is nothing so novel

so in this almost empty gin palace
through a two-way looking glass
you see your Alice

you know she has no sense
for all your jealousy
in a sense she still smiles very sweetly

charged with insults and flattery
her body moves with malice
do you have to be so cruel to be callous?

and now you find you fit this identikit completely
you say you have no secrets
and then leave discreetly

i might make it California's fault
be locked in Geneva's deepest vault
just like the canals of Mars and the Great Barrier Reef
i come to you beyond belief

my hands were clammy and cunning
she's been suitably stunning
but i know there's not a hope in Hades
all the laddies cat call and wolf whistle
so-called gentlemen and ladies
dog fight like rose and thistle

i've got a feeling
i'm going to get a lot of grief
once this seemed so appealing
now i am beyond belief

shine on brightly
Originally uploaded by The Queen of No

why does don draper always look confused at everyone? why do we know nothing about my crush ken cosgrove? how did i not completely and totally love joan until last night? how do i not hate pete campbell no matter how hard i try?

some friends, marty and i hiked the getty center trail. again, no pictures. but the day was hazy and the trail was mostly dirt, so i'd have hated and discarded the photos anyways. it was so fun. i burned my chest. tacky. my calves feel nice.

jennifer's body was really good. i don't know why it's being marketed so shallowly, but it's a fantastic satire that needs to be monetarily supported, damnit. i wanna see more movies made by cool chicks about cool chicks. i have a weird definition of "cool," i suppose.

i'm going to sell my basically-brand-new docs (size 8.5/9, mid-calf) and a bunch of cd's. how cute.

what should i paint? give me ideas. more abstract ideas, less concrete things.

wow, it's been a year.

i had to wear a bikini top as a bra all weekend. i'm so OC, apparently.

change is in the air.

i need to be enveloped by SOMETHING. a womb of an ocean. sometimes i just get these really palpable desires to do something like suspend myself underwater or just upside down.

pms and marijuana.. really not a good idea for me. i'm a tough cookie to crack. i don't even think that makes sense but it's cute to imagine. cookies are cute. even the word itself is cute.

i want what i want when i want it.

some friends and i were watching Heathers last night and one of them said "you MUST have been popular in high school... you're just so freaking awesome!" i was sort of um, shocked? because she meant it. i mean, yeah she was kind of buzzed on gin & tonics and she's silly but still, i found it so amusing. someone in college once assumed i was a cheerleader, too. this is so funny. mostly because i was a raging recluse bitch in high school who just liked to alienate everyone and myself. you know, one of those people who says things like "i'm a bitch, it's who i am, deal with it." hahaha. god i fucking hate when grown ass people say shit like that. hi transparent. but yeah, "freaking awesome." it was cute. i'm thankful for so much, really.

had an amazing dinner at zimzala in downtown huntington beach. i'm dead set on recreating that farro salad. and that turkish "cigar." this will be simple, seriously. doing it.

fuck, i eat too much. oh well.

olive juice & olive you.

things are so weird right now. i want to go hiking again and swimming again. anyone know any places to do that in southern california? i really want to go to the sawdust festival and the fair. the latter is not going to happen, and some stranger on myspace asked me to the former. um, not doing that but i thought it was funny. i like people, they fascinate me. i wish they had more time to talk, though. god, i love listening.

had the most delicious reuben at old vine. bought the most buttery soft v-neck white rabbit tee. the water at the beach was actually warm on sunday; i would have gone in but my legs kept itching and then two fighting dogs slammed into my legs which made them itch more. that water has got to be filthy. whatever. made yummy tilapia and whipped cauliflower-- SO GOOD, and so easy. i love true blood. i also love smelling like a pina colada.

i'm still a work in progress regarding the "better person" bit, obviously. but rising above feels much better than the easier route. though, i did flip off some lady in her car on saturday. i felt bad.

i had a really fucked up dream last week.

i was taking a shortcut through a parking lot of a junkyard. i felt like i was naked. i saw in my periphery a really angry young man with a shotgun coming towards me. i kept thinking "he's going to rape me, he's going to rape me." but he got right up to me and threatened me with his gun and yelled "get out of here!"

god, my family is weird.

went out to dinner for my sister's 21st. she's back to "married" again, by the way. her husband's up at wasco state prison, though. she kept trying to nudge the waiter into going out w/her. it was bizarre. and her mom was helping. and then my dad called her a tramp. where do these people come from?!

they did bring me back the most gorgeous "rustic" olive wood chopping board from italy. it looks like a paddle. i'm going to use it accordingly.